Author Archive

Two Catholic Kids and a Cart

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Posted on Monday, April 19th, 2010 at 11:40 pm.

This is from a bit ago, but figured you guys might be interested. Epic shopping cart race through the streets of Chicago.

Sitting in her SUV, we both blankly stared forward. We had made a rookie mistake. Had we learned anything from the caper movies we’d seen growing up, we’d have known to case the joint. Instead we rolled up expecting an easy heist. My friend assumed the role of getaway driver and my penchant for pilates made me the muscles of the operation.

Waiting for dark and fearing that it might be our last should things go awry, we sat down after work for a two-course dinner. We managed to keep the conversation on everything but the task before us.

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Shaving for Jesus (and that Creepy Guy at Dominick's)

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Posted on Monday, December 28th, 2009 at 11:58 pm.

As all things of worth, the plan was largely born out of laziness and tradition. Spurred on by past breaks from college, I got into the habit of ceasing my semi-weekly shaves in December. Never lasting more than two weeks, my face carpet seldom reached the shag stage. This year continued in that tradition until an incident at the local grocer.

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Pics from NU/Wisc

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Posted on Sunday, November 22nd, 2009 at 9:41 pm.

We Be Bowlin'

Not Everything’s Big in Texas: Yankee's Thoughts Down South

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Posted on Sunday, November 22nd, 2009 at 6:41 pm.

With a lit cigarette affixed to the corner of his mouth, he perched on his stool, his legs barely reaching the top rung. He punched the keys on the register and I handed the little person my $5. Knowing what I know about geographical stereotypes, I wondered who let him into Texas.

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For Kevin [Daarth]

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Posted on Friday, November 20th, 2009 at 11:55 am.

I noticed a trend on here. So I submit this from Houston:

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Notes from the Quarantine: Living with the Swine Flu (or Influenza Type A)

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Posted on Tuesday, October 27th, 2009 at 11:34 pm.

After re-evaluating my bucket list upon being told there was a 50 percent chance I had the Swine flu, I noticed an omission. This post. The world needs to hear (read) my story.

I’ve opted to tell this story in a chronological, blow-by-blow narrative. Get your H1N1 mask (or remnant Sars mask) and let’s embark on this journey together.

Day 1

It all started Tuesday. I awoke and felt my tum tum a-rumblin’. I figured it was the influx of fiber I ingested Monday. (TIP: Shoot for 30g and be sure to hydrate.)

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I Found God at Whole Foods

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Posted on Monday, September 21st, 2009 at 11:12 pm.

I always thought Heaven would have free parking. At times I considered whether or not it would be valet.

Ascending the steep incline in my foreign-made voiture to the promised lot in a congested city with limited parking, I joined an assemblage of luxury and hybrid cars, the latter having assigned spaces closer to the entrance, which I found in poor taste given the celestial locale. I guess even Heaven has a hierarchy.

After entering through the automatic doors, the air smelled of a mix of patchouli and affluence. I felt the need to genuflect.

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